When interacting with prospects, we face two competing needs: On the one hand, we need to convey real interest in doing business, on the other hand we have to avoid appearing over anxious; even a hint of desperation is the kiss of death when courting prospects.

There are lots of signs that tell prospects we're over anxious. We appear tense rather than relaxed. We're tentative rather than confident. We're stiff and fail to smile. We go on about ourselves much more than we should.

And the surest tip off of all is appearing impatient or in a hurry to get the sale or in any way putting the prospect under pressure. When we're interacting with prospects, the trick is to communicate we want to work with them - but we don't need to work with them.

When we're talking about setting up an initial meeting, for example, rather than saying "How's your day tomorrow or Thursday?", consider saying "I have fairly good flexibility on Tuesday and Thursday of next week or Monday of the week after - do you have half an hour on any of these days?". If you're inviting a prospect to your office for a sandwich lunch to discuss their portfolio, saying ‘What's your availability for lunch look like one day in the next two to three weeks?" sends the right signal - you want the business but have other demands on your time as well.

It's not just prospects that we have to worry about this with. I recently delivered a workshop on ways to initiate referral conversations with clients and was asked how to raise the subject of referrals without appearing to be needy. If that's a concern, you can raise the issue of referrals by saying: "Some of the changes I've made to my practice mean that I have the capacity to take on twelve new clients in the next year. Could I take a moment to review the qualities of the clients I find I can help the most, in case you're talking to someone who is looking to make a change?" Taking this tack strikes the right balance - you'd like their friends' business, but don't need it.

It takes discipline to suggest meeting with a prospect next week when we'd really like to meet this afternoon or tomorrow. One of the paradoxes of this business, however, is that anxiety to make a sale often creates counterproductive stress, both on us and the prospects we're talking to. It's not unlike sports such as golf or when we began dating in high school - sometimes the harder we try and the more pressure we put on ourselves , the less successful we are and the best strategy is simply to relax.