The article below first appeared in the U.S. advisor website Horsesmouth.com and is reproduced here with permission.

These days potential clients may need a little more time to get to know you before committing to your investment process. One advisor's background in counseling gives him a host of relationship-building skills that you can apply to building trust in your own first meetings.

In his first job out of college, advisor Dennis Nolte counseled homeless alcoholics at a Salvation Army in Indianapolis. While that experience is an uncommon launching pad for a career in financial services, the job taught Nolte, a psychology major, how to listen to people-a skill that has paid dividends over the last two decades.

Now, the Orlando, Fla.-based credit union advisor counsels middle-income employees of Disney World for Partners Wealth Management. His client accounts range from $100,000 up to $1 million. His natural curiosity and compassion for people has translated into a thriving business. "Trust is awfully important when acting as a trusted advisor," Nolte says. "Part of how you earn that is by actually listening to what people are saying and what they need-and not thinking about what you want."

Ironically, he says, his job counseling alcoholics taught him how to ask uncomfortable questions, an important skill in his advisory business. "It's the same kinds of questions; it's just before, you were asking, 'So, how much do you drink?' and 'Why did you get fired?' or 'How did that happen?" vs. now, 'Well, what are you making a year?' or 'Who has a tendency to overspend?' or 'What type of inheritance do you want for your children?' I mean, they're still embarrassing, uncomfortable questions."

Over the years, Nolte has refined his first meeting process to improve rapport-an especially important focus in the last year. Here are some keys to his approach:

1. Treat the first meeting like a first date. For Nolte, the object is to learn as much about potential clients as possible in the first meeting. "I used that process when my wife and I first started dating," he says. "She and I met on a blind date, and when we were put together over the phone, I started asking questions. She said, 'Look, if you don't stop asking questions, we're not going to have anything to talk about when we first meet.'"

Nolte sends out a fact-finding sheet several weeks in advance but finds most people don't complete it, so he covers the information in the first few meetings. But, he says, "That's the easy part of this, asking all the questions."

1. Set potential clients at ease by leading with non-financial matters. Hardly anybody's walking in the door these days and saying, "Here's some money. Do what you do best with it." More than ever, potential clients will be going through a feeling-out process, gradually building trust in you. "I think the process is taking a bit longer and a few more steps than it used to," Nolte observes.

He advises not asking clients about their money right away. "I ask them about anything else but their money and just start talking about [what's going on with] them. If I have some advance information about what the relationship is like with the person who referred them, I'll say, 'So, how long have you been working with so and so?' Or I'll ask, 'How long have you been in Orlando?" Orlando is such a transient town, and everybody's from somewhere else, so I might ask, "Where are you from originally?'"

Whatever casual questions you lead with, the genuine focus is on getting to know these new people who are sitting in your office. "Put away the agenda of 'I've got to sell something, I have to make money today, I've got to develop this relationship,'" says Nolte. "And just really look at them and start finding out about them. They're much more likely to tell you what you want to hear."

In fact, Nolte finds that since the financial crisis, he is more likely to spend the first meeting just building rapport with new clients, waiting to dig into financial documents and more technical information in the subsequent meetings.

1. Find out how they feel. Potential clients want to know that you care about them as people. You will need to ask them how they feel, with an opening question such as, "What brings you here today?"

Nolte admits that sitting down and asking new clients how they feel about their financial lives may seem very Oprah-like, but he points out, "[Oprah's] pretty successful. And since it has been very rough the last 12 months, people have a lot to get off their chests. It's important to ask them how they're feeling about their situation."

1. Practice reflective listening. To be sure you're listening well, reflect back to your prospects both the content of what they're saying and the feelings behind it. You want to find out whether what you heard was truly what they meant to convey. This practice helps you develop deeper understanding and trust with prospects and clients.

For example, let's say someone introduces the subject of long-term care this way: "My parents went into a nursing home, and the reason I want to talk about long-term care insurance today is that I went through an awful lot with them and I saw what they went through, and I don't want that to happen to me."

You can pick up on the feelings behind that and say, "That must've been awfully difficult for you," or "That sounds like it was emotionally draining." Nolte says the idea is to "let them know that you understand not only what it is that they're telling you but what they're feeling and why that's important to them."

1. Show empathy. Advisors often think they're being supportive with reflective listening, but they may come across as too flippant. For instance, if a prospective client says, "I'm really concerned, I don't want to lose any more money," don't reply, "Yeah, I understand you don't like losses; nobody likes losses."

Such a response, Nolte says, is sure to make prospective clients feel a bit defensive. A more empathetic response would be "I understand that this has been a truly heartbreaking, harrowing experience for you that you've probably never experienced before-that hardly anybody in our lifetimes have experienced before-and you don't want to see that repeated or you don't want to go through that again."

Nolte adds that you must "remember to put yourself in their shoes and have empathy. That's an important skill-to try to feel what they're feeling and let them know you understand."

1. Look for a healing opportunity. Instead of looking for a selling opportunity, Nolte suggests finding the healing opportunity, which usually means telling potential clients about your approach to financial planning and how it can help them.

"A lot of people need healing," Nolte says. "They've been burned, and it's really painful. And just like a burn victim, the first time they try to put water on it, they jump through the ceiling, because it's just so sensitive and every nerve ending is exposed. And that's how many folks that I see, anyway, especially coming in from a bad investment experience, are feeling."

Let potential clients know you want to help them overcome their painful situation. Describe the possibilities, and give them some time to choose to come to you.

1. Be sure to include all the players. As you are getting to know potential clients, it's critical to find out who ultimately makes the financial decisions in the family. When you're dealing with a couple, it might not be the loudest person in the room.

"You want everybody to buy in, and sometimes those who are talking the most have the least amount of power," Nolte says. "If you've got a stereotypical husband who speaks loudly, and he's got a nice, quiet, docile wife, she may throw a wrench into the process, because she doesn't like you, or she doesn't like that process, or she feels that you're not paying enough attention to her. So you've got to make the less dominant spouse feel included."

He suggests doing this by deliberately making room in the conversation for the other spouse. Nolte engages the quieter person with questions like these:

1.  
   
   • How did you feel about what he or she just said?
   • Is that right?
   • Would you describe it as such?
   • What's your take on that?
   • Does that sound accurate to you?
   • What do you think?
   
   

Ending the meeting

Nolte closes the first meeting by saying, "Let's set up the next meeting, and here's what we're going to do in that next meeting. Here are the documents I need you to bring, and here's what we're going to try to accomplish."

Immediately after the meeting, he types up an e-mail or letter recapping the first meeting, summarizing what they discussed, highlighting the relevant facts, and restating the direction they're headed. He includes the clients' ages, their net worth, what was important to them, their stated goals and possible impediments. "That seems to be real helpful," Nolte says. "Folks really seem to like that, that you've recapped the meeting while it's fresh in your mind."

Indeed, it's an extension of Nolte's basic style, which is to demonstrate to clients that you are present with them every step of the way, listening carefully, processing their needs, and thinking about their best interests-just as a trusted advisor